i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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