the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
