Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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