Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
