just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
