I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
