I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
