After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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