So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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