I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
