I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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