I wish I could punch you in the face.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
