it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
