Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We need to get me chipped asap
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
