i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
