you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
