nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
