I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
