drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
