I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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