Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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