Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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