2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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