a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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