a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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