these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
