I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
