don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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