you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
