my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
