you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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