Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
