oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
