i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We need to get me chipped asap
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
