somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
