You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So squirting runs in the family.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
