Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I came so hard my ears popped.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
