Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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