I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
