Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
