btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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