I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
