Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
