Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
