my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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