Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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