You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
