he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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