if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have feelings that need drinking.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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