I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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