Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
